Seven Tips on How To Be Interested

April 22, 2013

Be interested, not interesting. That, in a nutshell, is the key to establishing rapport when networking with others.

Being interested, though, is easier said than done. How does one demonstrate genuine interest? Here are some ideas I use:

  1. Approach the unknown with a sense of adventure. Step into conversations with an expectation of discovery. I anticipate that my questions will lead to hidden treasures.
  2. Cultivate your curiosity. The more I learn about someone or something, the more I realize how much I actually do not know. That awareness lays the foundation for an ongoing journey fueled by an insatiable curiosity.
  3. Ask good follow-up questions. It requires little creativity to ask good first questions. We can demonstrate our interest, however, when we follow up with questions that drill deeper. Ask the other person a series of questions beginning with “Why?” and then prompt the person with, “Tell me more.”
  4. Encourage someone to connect the dots. I invite the other person to help me align separate pieces of information. As we talk, we build upon what we’ve already discussed, connecting the dots through a game of “if/then.” (If _________, then how does that fit with _________?)
  5. Ask open-ended questions. In the early stages of a conversation, it’s helpful to warm things up by asking “yes or no” questions. We show interest, though, when we move to open-ended questions that require a more thoughtful answer. As we invite others to elaborate and share more, we show a deeper level of interest.
  6. Reciprocate sharing. Interest is also demonstrated through a volley of shared information. I try to make conversations interactive, sharing my own vulnerability as I invite others to do likewise. The best conversations are two way, relying upon the ebb and flow of interactive communications.
  7. Express gratitude. I’m always thankful for the newfound knowledge and understanding I gain from others. I always try to find creative ways to thank the other person for being open and transparent. In so doing, I imply my continued interest and I invite additional sharing.

We cannot fake being interested in others. We can, however, develop genuine interest by nurturing our innate curiosity. Being interested is a cultivated mindset, a way of life.

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The World Has Too Many Victims

January 21, 2013

“I choose not to be a victim!” Those powerful words were shared with me last week by a friend who has had lots of bad things happen to her.

She is currently between jobs, which is why she came to my office to talk over coffee. Because I’ve known her for several years, I also know she is divorced, she’s been bullied at work and, since childhood, she has been preyed upon (and I use that term in its ugliest connotation).

Yet her bold statement—I choose not to be a victim!—got me to thinking.

Does someone really choose to be a victim? Is that a decision one actually makes? Or is a victim created as the result of something bad that happens? Or from the selfish actions of others?

In reality, bad things happen to each of us, so we all might feel victimized in some way. Yet most of us choose to pick ourselves up, or at least to allow others to help us get back on our feet.

Victims, by my definition, are those who choose not to recover. They wallow in self-pity. They feel a sense of entitlement, somehow believing that the world owes them something. Instead of finding solutions, they search for excuses. They blame others for their circumstances. They refuse to take ownership of their reality, and they harbor bitter feelings of anger, despair and revenge.

Read the rest of this entry »


The Roads I’ve Hitchhiked

December 18, 2012

This summer while on vacation, my wife and I were driving towards the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I’d once hitchhiked along those same roads.

That realization opened a flood of long-forgotten hitchhiking memories.

I recalled the time I thumbed a series of rides to Ohio to surprise my girlfriend. Neither she nor her family were impressed that I’d traveled so far—all alone—using such an unpredictable form of transportation. (Sometimes I’m still amazed that she eventually agreed to marry me!)

Then there was the time my buddy Steve and I hitchhiked overnight to Florida. The most memorable part of that trip came after we unfolded our sleeping bags and tried to sleep in the tall grass along the shoulder of southbound Interstate 75. Believe me, it’s impossible to rest while 18-wheelers thunder by at 80 miles an hour only a few feet from your head.

And how could I forget the adventure when my brother Gary and I nearly froze in the open bed of a pickup truck? Although it was summer in Colorado, we crossed the Continental Divide after midnight in the high altitude of the Rocky Mountain National Park. Brrrr!

Back in the day, I logged around 3,000 miles by begging for rides from strangers who might take pity on a poor, long-haired college kid standing alongside the road. Granted, it was a different time and thumbing for a ride was more popular then. Besides, I was young and didn’t think much about danger, perhaps because my mom did all the worrying for me.

On various trips I met a diverse assortment of people. There was the drummer for a popular rock band. I once was picked up by an aspiring ball player who hoped to someday play for the Cincinnati Reds. And then there was the old black man who was so tired he just wanted to sleep while I drove his car across Kentucky.

With the exception of some rednecks in Southern Georgia, the people I met were very nice. For example, I remain grateful for the Orlando policeman who—after reminding me that hitchhiking was illegal—reluctantly gave me a ride to my destination.

The end of the year provides an ideal opportunity to reflect on life and the roads we’ve traveled, both literally and figuratively.

In many ways, life is like hitchhiking. We often head towards unseen destinations, traveling along roads we’ve never been on, and will likely never traverse again. Along the way, we briefly meet some incredibly interesting people, and then abruptly we go our separate ways, never to cross paths again. Yet we remain grateful for those strangers who helped us reach our destination.

During the coming year, I resolve to continue exploring new horizons, though I’ve long-since forsaken hitchhiking. I also commit to creating memories along the virtual highways I’ll travel. I will savor the relationships that develop, and I will always give thanks for the beautiful, kind-hearted people I meet along the highways of life’s meandering journey.

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What They Did Right AFTER the Interview

June 27, 2012

As a hiring manager, I looked at more than a hundred resumes this month. I talked with so many people that I had trouble keeping everyone straight.

I even interviewed a handful of highly-qualified candidates. While those interviews were energetic and invigorating, the substance of what we talked about began to fade in the days following the interviews.

The most impressive candidates were those who did everything they could to keep their memory alive. Here are some of the specific things they did right after the interview:

  1. While the memory of our conversations were still fresh in my mind, they quickly followed up with emails and handwritten notes.
  2. They reiterated their enthusiasm. As an interviewer, I often wonder what the candidate thought about the job after our conversation. Sometimes people become less interested as they learn more about a specific job, so it’s always nice to be reassured that their interest has continued to grow.
  3. They reminded me how their qualifications matched my needs. They refreshed my memory by giving specific reasons why they would be the ideal fit for my job opening. Read the rest of this entry »

Why the Good Old Days Seemed So Good

September 23, 2011

This weekend I will be missing my high school reunion.

There in the brisk, rarefied air of Colorado, my former classmates will come together on the site where we once ruled the world. All weekend—especially late into Saturday night—my friends will reminisce about those Camelot years, that special time we now call “the good old days.”

I wish I could be there for three reasons. First, I really like the people I went to high school with. Second, I would find it reinvigorating to relive those special days that were filled with so much fun. Finally, I feel a need to defend my reputation when Kenny, the quintessential storyteller, regales our alumni group with wild stories that are always embellished and often fabricated.

Yes, those were the good old days, and they were good for the following reasons:

My selective memory

I am certain those high school days were not as wonderful as they now appear when relived through filtered memories and creative storytelling. Having a selective memory helps me to forget the bad and focus on the good. I prefer it that way.

To make today one of tomorrow’s “good old days” I will deliberately focus on the positive and minimize thinking about whatever might be lurking in the dark, sinister shadows.

Read the rest of this entry »


Career Transition, Blog Posts and a Presidential Hug

July 7, 2011

Three months ago I learned that my job at the American Red Cross would likely be eliminated.

Nationally, the Red Cross has been undergoing a massive, top-to-bottom reorganization that will affect every person affiliated with the organization. The restructuring will reduce expenses and increase revenues, all with a focus on keeping the mission relevant in a rapidly-changing environment. To their credit, our national leaders have openly shared the unfolding changes via e-mails, online videos and frequent conference calls.

Anticipating that my position would be among those eliminated by the end of the summer, I shared the discomforting news with my wife and family. Then, with the clock ticking towards the start of a new fiscal year, I launched an under-the-radar job search. I first revised my resume and LinkedIn profile. With the full understanding and support of my boss, I shifted my networking into a higher gear and sent e-mails to a couple dozen strategically-placed contacts. I was encouraged by their immediate offers to help.

Prior to launching the public phase of my job search, I developed personal business cards, a career-highlights brochure and an assortment of collateral materials to use when the appropriate time came. Read the rest of this entry »


A Thank You from Joplin

June 26, 2011

A favorite memory from Joplin came in the middle of an uneventful afternoon in the Red Cross shelter.

A young girl turned 11 years old.

Because she and her family lost their house in the tornado, the shelter’s dining room provided the best place for a birthday celebration. To make the occasion special, a friend baked a cake and brought it into the shelter. The bright smile on the girl’s face demonstrated how happy she was that someone remembered her birthday.

When she saw me, she eagerly asked if I would like a piece of her cake. I said, “Yes, but only a small one, please.” She cut into the cake and handed me a piece three or four times larger than my definition of small.

I thanked her, honored to be including in her party.

As I ate the cake, I took special note of the girl’s sweet spirit. I imagined how she and her family had made other plans to spend the day in a completely different way. Not only did the tornado blow those plans aside, it destroyed the house where the girl and her family lived. Now, they were living temporarily in our Red Cross shelter. Read the rest of this entry »


Quotes I Love

September 29, 2010

Quotations inspire me. They focus me. They motivate me.

I like the way an eloquent quote can elegantly reflect the light of resplendent wisdom. To me, each quotation has special value.

I collect quotes as a gem collector might gather precious stones. Like gemstones, quotes were never meant to be hoarded and stored in a dark, out-of-sight vault. Rather, they are most appreciated when shared and displayed for the enrichment of all.

If you also appreciate quotes, I invite you to meander through this collection of my favorites, categorized by these topics:

  1. Being Creative
  2. Planning and Goal Setting
  3. Being a Leader
  4. Learning, Teaching and Being Well Educated
  5. Understanding Life’s Transitions
  6. Marketing Effectively
  7. Achieving Success
  8. Creating a Compelling Vision
  9. Overcoming Adversity
  10. Chuckling with Yogi

How to Succeed in the First 90 Days

April 14, 2010

I know several people who will be starting new jobs this month. As the economy improves, I’m hoping the same good fortune awaits a couple dozen of my other professional contacts who are currently between jobs.

Starting off on the right foot is essential for ongoing career success. When I began my current job in 2006, I bought and read an invaluable book called The First 90 Days by Michael Watkins. Anyone making a fresh start would be well-advised to buy his or her own copy of the book and study it.

The book lists 10 things you should accomplish during the first three months in your new job. Within the book each step is discussed in detail, but for your convenience I’ve summarized those steps here:

  1. Promote yourself. Mentally break away from the mindset of your old job and think of your new one as a promotion that will require new ways of achieving success.
  2. Accelerate your learning. The learning curve may be steep. There will be so much to learn in your new environment, so do everything you can to quickly absorb what you need to know.
  3. Match strategy to the situation. Diagnose the business situation accurately and then quickly develop a customized plan of action.
  4. Secure early wins. You need a few early successes to build credibility and to create momentum. Early on, identify ways to create value. Read the rest of this entry »

Giving Thanks in the Tough Times

March 24, 2010

If you’re like me, there are times in life when you wonder if you’re caught in a bad dream. You want to pull the covers over your head and sleep it off, hoping you’ll awake to a completely different reality.

I’ve had three such times—1) being diagnosed with cancer, 2) losing a job and 3) dealing with my mother’s unexpected death last month.

Journaling is a practice that helps me get through those rough, white-water times. As I write, I deliberately focus on positive thoughts, thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for in spite of my circumstances.

As I’ve tried to mend the hole torn in my heart with Mom’s passing, I’ve developed a lengthy list of things that I’m thankful for. This has already been an essential part of my grieving and healing process. Here’s a partial list of what I’ve come up with so far: Read the rest of this entry »


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