23 | May | 2012 | Duane's Dartboard

Outtakes from a Recruiting Process

May 23, 2012

I‘m hiring for a communications person to join my team here at the American Red Cross. With one week until we close the applications process, I’ve already received nearly 150 online resumes.

I am surprised and impressed with the quality of most of these individuals. Some I’ve known for years. In fact, I’ve hired some as interns or freelance writers. Some are people I’ve gotten to know through local professional organizations or clubs. They are all good people and very qualified professionals. The hard part will be narrowing the list and then selecting the final individual.

Then, there are the other applicants. (Sigh!)

These are the ones who will not be working for me. Unless their luck changes, they won’t be working soon for anyone else, either. I have gone through the entire listing of online applications just to get a feel for each candidate. In most cases, I have Googled the person’s name. Unbelievably, some people have no digital footprint, but I’ll save those rantings for another blog post. I shouldn’t judge invisible people. Perhaps they are part of the Federal Witness Protection Program and don’t want to be found.

Anyway, I was amused as I came across the following examples of vapid communications from people who are trying to present themselves as communications professionals. My purpose is not to make fun of the well-intentioned people who want to work with me, but rather to help job seekers to see their resumes through the glazed-over eyes of a hiring manager.

The following examples have not been edited. They were copied and pasted from the actual applications. A word of warning, though: If you plan to be awake at the end of this post, you will need an extra shot of caffeine. So sit back and enjoy… Read the rest of this entry »